I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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