Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
