I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
