There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
