maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
