whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
