He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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