I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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