Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
