So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize