a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
