Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
this will be a night to untag.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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