All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
