Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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