I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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