the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
