dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
