youre lurking in front of me
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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