better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
