He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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