your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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