Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
