i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
