stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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