I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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