its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
