Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
this is an emotional support booty call
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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