I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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