i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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