Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
