I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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