Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also, beer. Big fan.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
