Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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