Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
