well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
a search helicopter?!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
