i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
