My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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