no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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