i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
