we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
