Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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