I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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