I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
