Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
