i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
