there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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