Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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