i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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