Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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