I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
