i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
