Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
