Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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