Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
