i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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