I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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