I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sorry about my life...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
