I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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