I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
