even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
