This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think my fart just growled at me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
