just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think people are normalizing furries
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
