what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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