you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
