Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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