Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
