Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize