I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
