You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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