in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It was confusing and full of hummus
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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