You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
