I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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